The first things to say are, "THANK YOU!" and you're already a good dad...because you realize we can all be better dads. None of us is actually "Jesus Christ", but you're at least interested in being His image-bearer as commanded by Eph. 5! So good for you!
You're demonstrating at least one element of what that means. While a feminized world would tell you that unless you have maximal gooieness with your boys, you're an utter failure. Jesus is the King on whose chest John laid his head at the table, AND the Warrior King with burning eyes and a sword coming out of his mouth and a robe dripping in blood. And the Scripture teaches that part of that is to provide for one's family. To not do so is to be "worse than an unbeliever (1 Tim. 5:8)"
Don't let anyone lay a burden on you that Scripture doesn't (Rom. 14). But continue to do what you're doing to wrestle with the the Lord in the Word and let him guide you. In the Spirit of Eph. 5:21-30, how does your "Mrs. Poet" play into your discussion of how you're seeking to look like Christ in your home? Where does the helper that God gave you think you could have opportunity? How will her choices about spending and using resources play into that? How much are you praying and reading Scripture together?
One verse that may help is one we don't like, but we can say that no one ever said, "I remember all the crap my dad bought me and that we lived in a bourgeoise neighborhood!" Does a different career path for a time with a lower salary and less house make a difference? How do you hold Eph. 5:21 and following in tension with the man who neglected to think of the importance of the moment (which you're already asking about) in Lk. 12:16-21? Are you engaged with your Church? Does your job allow you to? If you show your boys how to fight and how to work hard, but don't show them your love of Christ, will you be okay with that in the end? Does your career interfere with that too much?
Hopefully these help guide you to the Word and draw you to your Mrs. Poet and the Church that God provided for you to walk through this. Not that John isn't a help, but you've got lots of blessings close by. And if you really need to, look up Association of Certified Biblical Counselors and find a dude close to you who can help you sort out some hard decisions and help you learn to lead like you're seeking.
Proud to call you a Brother, brother! I can't carry your ammo cans. But will be praying for you as you draw near to the Lord. You draw near to Him, He will draw near to you. Because he says so. And he doesn't lie. Don't beat yourself up too much. We need more imperfect, repenting Warrior Poets like you!